Is the first time the hardest or easiest

I have decided to start this blog as a way of dealing with personal tragedy, I was also inspired by a friend of mine who does the very same thing whilst dealing with Ovarian cancer.

So this is my first time and in true virginal blog mode I don't know if this is going to be easy or hard. Well the tragedy is that 2 weeks ago I suffered my 4th miscarriage. I had hoped that at 16 weeks I was a little safe from that trauma but nothing can stop the force of mother nature when she chooses to vent her anger.

I have no explanation why our son did not not want to hang on and meet his prospective parents all I know is that I am left with a gaping hole where my heart used to be. We are now in the hands of what we hope will be the answers to our prayers, the medical profession and their investigations of our young son and my blood.

In the meantime I try to go back to normality which means returning to work, I am lucky that I work from home and my office is down south while I life up t'north in a Northumbrian paradise. I live in splendid seclusion with my partner, his 12 year old daughter and 28 year old son, 2 dogs, 6 chickens and one neurotic cat. The seclusion has been my saviour over the past 2 weeks as we are not ones for passing visitors but now I have to come out of hiding and face the world. I really must rethink that "winning the lottery" strategy as an exit plan.